Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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