Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Is it penis luge time yet?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
