Four minutes until I can fart!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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