Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
