Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize