i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize