defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
