I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
