were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Randomize
