Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
