You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
