he fucked my hip out of place.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
