Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
