Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
