He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize