broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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