in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize