what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize