she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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