and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
