don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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