R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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