I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
