**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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