He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
