I faked an abortion last night.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
