Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
