so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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