Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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