She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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