I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We are all done wearing pants today
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
