I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
