sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
