how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
