i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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