you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
