I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
