So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
accomplished twins. life is a go
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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