i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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