I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
