no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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