You can't special order awesome
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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