I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
