1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
