Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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