he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
