dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
