I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
