yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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