I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We are all done wearing pants today
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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