I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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