I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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