Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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