She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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