I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
