Apparently you make a good broom.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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