I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
