Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
