We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
