he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
