Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
