Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
