Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
