Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
