Kiss
Puke
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
