dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
