You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
