I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I need to calm my uterus...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
