the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize