i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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