So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize