Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
