yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
