I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Floor bacon is actually really good
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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