Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
