In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
