she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
