i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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