So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
