i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she smelled like a LAN party
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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