Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
