So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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