dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
