sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
