She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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