is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
