you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
