Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
