Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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