im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
