i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I understand Curling. That high.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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