I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
