I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
