Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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