I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So vagazzling was a success
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
