i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
