I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
